I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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