YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
