and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
