I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
