How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
