I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
