So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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