so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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