Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
