At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
