Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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