Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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