So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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