Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
