I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
