I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
