i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
