you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
