i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
