before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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