You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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