i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
