There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
