i think i have herpe
just one?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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