I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
