then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I love you. Go after that dick
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
