Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
