it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
