apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
