so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
