Whod you bang
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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