I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
