; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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