The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
