I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
