Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
