the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
