You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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