we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
