Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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