Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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