I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
