Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
