I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
