Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
