She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
