The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
