how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
