Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
