I'm lost and stupid without you.
I cannot find my penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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